i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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