You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
