I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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