oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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