I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
