3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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