oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
