A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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