Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
