That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
