Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
