News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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