Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
