But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
