Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
