I like to think it a success when the cops are called
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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