my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
