I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
