last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
