the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
