My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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