I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
