the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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