I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
