at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
