Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize