it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
