i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
