I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
