You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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