I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
