they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
