I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
