I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
