I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Randomize
