I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
