so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
