did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
