Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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