I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
