I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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