I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Holy shit dude........stairs
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
