Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
