im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
