I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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