and you said cock pushups were impossible
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
