My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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