You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
