I looked at my own cervix.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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