i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
