i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I should be sponsored by Trojan
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
