ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
