i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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