I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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