I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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