Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
