Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
