I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
We got so high we made milksteak
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize