Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
