Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
