I met the friendliest cop last night
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
