mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
