I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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