Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
