Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
