i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
