And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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