i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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