Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
